Category Archives: poetry


It was better in my day.
She said,
“You’re the kind of guy
Who could get in a fight
In heaven’s parking lot”
She said,
“That straight jacket
Looks kinda good on you”
She said,
“Coal isn’t
Coal isn’t that bad a present
You can throw it at the people you don’t like.”
She said,
“There is nothing,
Nothing more unnerving
Than Eden.”
She said,
“I sat and I stared
At the sun all day
Trying to search for wisdom
And the one thing I learned
Was that you shouldn’t sit
And stare at the sun all day”
She said,
“I’ve been to the end of my rope
So many times
I might as well
Set up a tire swing.”
She said,
“I wanna be the first person
To tell a joke
That’s so offensive that
I end up in a labor camp.”
She said something
Something about the Jackhammer choir
Something about the Jackhammer choir
But I didn’t understand it.
And her spirit may be free,
Her spirit may be free,
Her spirit may be free,
But her ass
Is gonna cost ya.

ORIGINAL POEM: “Wand” 4/29/17

If I could fix you
If I had a magic wand
If I could wave it
Magically wave it all away
All of the pain
All of the anger
All the confusion
All of the fear

If I could fix you
You could understand
No one’s out to get you
It’s all in your mind
You could forget it
Let it all slip away
Nothing would scare you
Well, not much anyway

If I had a magic wand
If I had a magic wand
If I had a magic wand
I could wish it away

And you could have friends!
You wouldn’t be lonely!
And some old ones might come back, too
The ones you drove away
And you could be happy!
And not fear the future
You could be the old you
Not this thing that’s eaten you

If I had a magic wand
If I had a magic wand
If I had a magic wand
I’d do that for you

But it took you so long to get to this day
That you don’t believe in your own decay
And can’t remember it was any other way
And you claim that you wish it would all go away

But do you?

What’s it gonna be?
Come on, now,
What’s it gonna be?

If I had a magic wand
If I had a magic wand
If I had a magic wand
Would you let me fix you?

If I could fix you
If I had a magic wand
You wouldn’t let me, would you?
“Because you’re not crazy,”
“Because the world is crazy,”
Because you can’t leave this life
You’ve lived it so long

So if I had a magic wand
If I had a magic wand
If I had a magic wand
I’d wish myself away

POETRY: “Fade”

Do you remember all the fun things we used to do?
I’m glad of that, but I can barely remember you.
I can’t remember your face,
I can’t remember what you looked like naked
I can’t even remember if I ever saw you that way
I can’t remember if we made love or just made out
I can’t remember for sure if we ever even dated
My memory’s fine, but the past seems to fade away
When I hear those old songs
I think I used to think of you
When I hear them now
I can only think of the songs themselves
I remember that they used to mean something
But God help me If I know what it was
My memory’s fine, but the details fade away
I remember when I was little I had a toy
That meant everything to me
Now I can’t even remember what it was
I remember you had that little bear that you loved
You saw it yesterday and didn’t recognize it at all
Didn’t know where it came from
Didn’t remember that you sewed it
Your memory’s fine, but the feelings fade away
I remember eating, drinking, running, jumping, laughing and crying.
I remember sorrow, pleasure, pain, and grief.
I remember crying and laughing and feeling scared and feeling safe
I remember everything, but the context fades away
I found a picture of some people smiling on a beach
I was touched by how happy they both seemed
Like the whole of their lives revolved around that day
And it may have for all I know. Who am I to say?
With their big dumb smiles in the sunshine
And the way their hands clenched so tight
I didn’t recognize it was the two of us, so I threw it away
My memory’s fine, but the warmth fades away
Everything is fine, but still I fade away.

I’m Giving Away Free Copies Of All My Books!

If you’ve been curious about my books, but didn’t want to shell out the cash, now’s your chance to check it out! If you didn’t know that I wrote, well, hey, what the heck, it’s free, right? Might as well check ’em out.

The only thing I ask is that if you do grab a copy of a book, and if you actually decide to read it/them, please post a review on Smashwords and/or Amazon (You don’t have to have purchased a book on Amazon to review it). I don’t even mind if it’s not a particularly glowing review, just please post something no matter how short.

ORIGINAL POEM: “Coincidence”

Born the same time
The same place
The same doctor
Different parents
Both unplanned
Both unwanted
Both up for grabs
Different results
My coincidental sister
Of the same situation
Of the same station
Of the same location
In all but blood
In all but name
In all but luck
Our doctor
Was my uncle
Or soon would be
He called his brother
Who adopted me
He offered him you, though
They thought about it
His brother and sister-in-law
But they said no
They wanted me
Fifty years later
I got to wonder
What about you
My coincidental sister
My momentary rival
My first nemesis
My first victory
Was your first loss
Or perhaps second.
We were both unwanted
By our parents afterall
My dad is gone now
My uncle too
There’s no way of telling
What became of you
But I can say
The life you didn’t get
The life I took from you
Is better than I deserved.
I should feel guilty
But I never thought of you
Until I was waiting
For the flood just now.
I do hope it went well
I hope the best happened for you
I hope the life you got
Was a good one
I hope you’re happy
I hope I didn’t ruin you
Because of my legendary luck
Because they just wanted a boy
I hope you had a good life
I hope you had fun
I hope you found love
I hope you had children
I hope you’re still alive
And happy
And if you were never any of those things
I hope you have time to find
As many of them
As possible
In the time we’ve got left.
And if we meet again
Or if we met some time before now
We’d never know.
You’d never know who I was
I’d never know you
Which is strange to think
How close our lives were
Just for one day
How fifty years
have revolved around
Just one day.
Just one uncle
Just one phone call
Just one choice
And both of us
Still reeling from it
Half a century on
But even though
I never really thought of you
Before today
Even though you probably
Never thought of me at all,
Even though
I’ll never know you
I’m still pulling for you
My long lost
Coincidental sister


Not that I think of you very much

But I wonder whatever happened to you?

You ran off with that morbidly obese girl

And since then there’s been nothing new.

Now I’m not going to use anyone’s real name

So let’s call our ex, “Baltimore”

But she dumped you for that weird mormon guy

So she don’t belong to either of us anymore

Not that I think of her very much

But I found some old home movies yesterday

She wasn’t as hot as I remembered

But my eyes were blind to that back in the day

Ok, yeah, we weren’t offficially engaged

But she agreed we were close enough

We were absolutely positively gonna get married

Til the L.D.R. started, and things got rough

We were seven hundred miles apart

I imagine you know how hard that can be?

Obviously you must since that’s how

You took Baltimore away from me.

I don’t have any happy memories of her

I thought it’s time that you knew

‘Cuz I can’t remember her at all

Without also remembering you

Not that I think of either of you that much

But I do wonder what happened to you

You ran off with her fat best friend

There’s schedenfreude in that, it’s true.

“A woman’s voice on the radio

Can convince you you’re in love,” sang John

“A woman’s voice on the telephone

can convince you you’re alone,” and she’s gone.

Somehow I didn’t get that memo

I was terrified and deluded

that the one thing I counted on

Was so quickly pillaged and looted

She said I’d probaby like you

In a different situation, time, and place

Why do girls always say that shit?
Do they think it helps them save face?

She told me that you were broken

That I feel mercy if I only knew

So maybe you were a victim of your dad

But I was a victim of you

I spent every night on the telephone

Sometimes from dusk to morning dew

She’d sometimes lie about me having a chance

But she knew that we were through

“There is nothing so deep as the ocean,” Lyle sang
“There is nothing so high as the sky,” but I was blind

“There is nothing so frightening as a woman”

“When she’s already made up her mind.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a total loser

But I’m also much larger than life

Not to be arogant, but my shadow loomed much larger

Than some punk who wanted to fuck my wife.

You can ask anyone who knew me back then

That I was pretty overwhelming

Everyone wanted me to destroy you

Counting down til I ended your little fling

Backpfeifengesicht is what I felt

Look it up, I’m not explaining it

But I resisted the urge because I knew how she’s react

If I left you bloody and oozing shit

But time scabs over every cut

And now I wonder why you flew.

You ran off with that lonely fat girl

Not long after Baltimore dumped you

Do you even remember the one time we met?
No, I don’t expect that you do

You were clearly intimidated as we walked by the old mill

Which is exactly what I wanted from you

Do you remember how I predicted what lay down the road
And you defiantly told me I was wrong

And then every single bit of it came to pass just like I said

Boy, I hope your memories of that were strong

But probably not. You never impressed me at all

I told you that’s why she chose you, too.

I’m a loser, but I’m the three ring circus of impressive losers

And you were just a day at the zoo

You were just a pitstop, not a final destination

You swore you weren’t just a rebound

I said that I was the guy who broke her heart

You were just someone who was around

I told you that there was a hole in her heart

That was exactly the same shape as me

I told you that even if I didn’t win her back

The two of you just weren’t meant to be

In the end I was both right and wrong

Right about you, wrong about why my future would be

So even though I was a victim of you

Ultimately you were a victim of me.

It’s irritating that you likely don’t remember

How much I must have intimidated you

I never lifted a finger or raised my voice

But she later screamed at me until her face was blue

I’m not saying I’m blameless

After all, it takes three to cheat

Lost propinquity and all my empty promises

Of the world I said I’d lay at her feet

You guys shacked up and as you’ll recall

I spent two years trying to get her back

Then she dumped you for that mormon guy twice her age

Who laster longer than either of us could hack

So that’s the story of you and me and Baltimore

And how you both destroyed my life

I don’t believe things are or aren’t meant to be

But now I’m glad she never was my wife.

If you’d never showed, we’d be divorced by now

I’m not sure how I know, but I just do.

We’re both married to others, we’re both happy

Somehow I sense that’s not true of you.

(It wasn’t the mormon, it was her brother’s best friend

They’ve got two kids and a persian cat

I get a card from her on the holidays

Not much to report beyond that)

So the fat girl borrowed a bunch of money

And you split town

No one knows why you left, where you went, nor what you did

Nobody bothered to track you down.

If this account seems vindictive

I laid it out just to set the stage

It’s been twenty-five years since all this happened

And I wanted to say I’ve turned the page

I mean, I remember everything you did to me

But over twenty five years my apathy grew

To long ago make me forget the pain

So: “I honestly forgive you.”

Not that I think of you very much

But I wonder whatever happened to you?

I hope somewhere you and her found a happy ending

But somehow I suspect that isn’t true.

So the three of us were each other’s victims

Those years were one endless pitfall

But I can’t rid myself of the guilt that the poor fat girl

Might be the biggest victim of all

A Small Price For Immortality

I been saving my hair clippings for your witchcraft

I think I’ve got a pound or two
If you want fingernail clippings or jars of urine
I can help you out there, too
My friends have all learned not to raid my fridge
I think it’s kinda funny
So if you’d like some of my special that’s-not-lemonade
I won’t charge you very much money
Cuz I been thinkin’ bout the great hereafter
And it doesn’t seem so very long
Til the here and now becomes the bye-and-bye
And I’m not sure if it’s right or wrong
So if you want to peek into outer darkness
I’m interested in what you may find
And though I’m not about to do it for myself
I’ll gladly facilitate you and your kind
Black candles, chalk and goat’s blood
You don’t need to pay retail price
the baby’s teeth are over by the big knives
And the alligator wine is very nice
If you somehow swing resurrection of the dead
Could you ask them some questions for me?
But when you dig a grave to put him back down
Experience says You’d better dig two or three
After you’re done flying on your broomstick
Just remember to tell me what you see
And if it happens that you end up damned, well
That’s a small price for immortality
No, I’m not going to risk my soul on this crap
But if you wanna try, please feel free
I only want your money and some feedback
That’s a small price for immortality

Everything Is Something’s Food, 2nd Edition

Soooooooooooooo I’ve been working on the 2nd edition of my worst book, “Everything is Something’s Food.” That’s my book of lyrics and poetry I put out last year, and am currently giving away free, rather than burying it in the back yard like I probably should do. 🙂 I am far, far, far, far from a lyrical genius, and the book shows it.
For some reason I want it out there, though. Anyway, I got better over time, as “Prophet” and “Astrology,” poems I posted here a couple days ago, show.
I have this foible about books being at least 50,000 words, and EiSF was way below that. I felt guilty about it. So I added some new stuff, and some uncompiled songs a couple weeks ago, and then yesterday I found an old notebook from 1991/2 that had a bunch of old material in it.
I’m up to about 32,000 words now. I decided to write a poem a day to get it up to length, and the moment I decided that (After writing “Prophet”) I got poet’s block. Sigh.
Anyway, it’ll probably be a long while before the 2nd edition of the book comes out, but I thought my readers – if any – might enjoy knowing what I’m working on.


The prophet came from Asia

Because they always do
And he was a he because

That’s pretty standard, too
So off you went to look for him

Because he would not look for your

You sought and you found him

In gardens of the orient

Sitting staring at nothing

And looking quite despondent

You asked him what was wrong
And he told you how his life went

“All revelations are much the same,

But I feel despair and presage
About the days after I’m gone

And the corruption of my message.

It’s the legacy of every prophet

Hence my saddened visage”

“But you, you are the only one

To show concern for my feelings

My kind are oft too depressed

To go about our appointed dealings

They never preach nor even speak
And hang themselves from their ceilings”

“Do you remember when we were young and funny,” he said
You confessed that you don’t
“Neither do I, but I still miss those days,
I can’t imagine a time when I won’t.”

You never told him your name
But he knows it just the same
You ask him what his own one is

But he refuses to tell you his

He says, “It’s a parable we’re in,

So history is something you can’t pin

To time or place or space or even name,

Which distract you from the flame”

“Of the messages from God to man

Which anyone could understand.
We could be then, we could be now
We could be in the future somehow”

“Are we in Jerusalem, Persia or Bombay?
It doesn’t matter, so I won’t say.”
And you recall you don’t recall
How you came to be here at all

“Some believers can only follow one

If my name is wrong, then they’ll be done

They’ll reject the words, reject them all
So nebulosity keeps them in my thrall”

And then he looked so sad and grey

You wonder why he gets that way
My words are heard just for one day
And then they always go astray

He asked, “Do you remember when this happened before,”
You confessed that you don’t
“Neither do I, but I miss those days,
I can’t imagine a time when I won’t.”

“The message,” he says, “always the same,

And I’m the one to guard the flame.

Let thoughts and words and deeds be good,

And put off wrath for brotherhood.”

“Protect the stranger in thy midst,
And don’t lash out when you are pissed
Take care of widows and orphans too
And don’t let the world pollute you”

“The blessed poor, heaven is theirs
The rich will have to use the stairs

Restore the peace among yourselves

And see the One in whom mercy dwells”

“There is no woman, there is no man,
Let all with ears try to understand.
Worship not president, nor pope nor king

For their athority doesn’t mean a thing”

“And that is all I can teach today,

I need the throng to go away.

For I am tired, and depressed too
Any more and I’ll get mad at you”

You ask, “My lord, why do you sigh?
What is it here that makes you cry?”
He looks at you, eyes full of sorrow, and says
“Watch what happens here tomorrow”

“In the meantime, Do you recall when we were in love?”
You confessed that you don’t
“Neither do I, but I miss those days,
I can’t imagine a time when I won’t.”

When morning comes you find the throng

Is really not getting along

An army of poor and another of meek

Fight an army that turns the other cheek

Then meek and poor fight one another

drawing blood over the definition of ‘brother’

The winning side celebrate with bells

And then they turn against themselves

Others make idols of stone and would

And claim the prophet said they should
They worship him, they ignore God

Ignore his inconvenient words which they find flawed

The self-appointed claim authority

To interpret the message for the majority

Who just accept this without a thought

An unsold soul can still be bought

And then these priests inspire kings

To war over the most ludicrous things

What to wear, and what to drink
How to pray and how to think

Words of salvation become ones of blood

Spilled in cataracts streaming to a flood

From a hill you watch this, shocked and awed

The Prophets words caused an affront to God

He said, “Do you remember some better world?”
You confessed that you don’t
“Neither do I, but I still miss that place,
I can’t imagine a time when I won’t.”

“God made us simple, we made ourselves complex

And that is we’re all such wrecks.

Rail against the dying of the light
But it only seems to bring on the night”

“The message is so quickly spoiled

God’s plans for us so quickly foiled

There is no devil, there’s only man

Continually railing against divine plan”

“But God keeps trying to set it right

He picks people like me to spread the light.

They shield their eyes, they look away

And garble the words in less than a day”

“But some yet do hear, so there is some hope

which keeps me from becoming a misanthrope.

All are called, but few want to be saved

Many think they’re free but remain enslaved”

“I’ve kept this up, God knows how long
For benefit of the few who don’t get it wrong

But now, disciple, my end is nigh
I didn’t mean to make you cry”

“The torch lays there, you could pick it up

You could bear the trembling cup

Too much to ask, but if you choose to

I’d bequeath the mantle of prophecy to you

And you ask “Do you remember when we were young and funny?”
He confessed that he did not.
You said, “Neither do I, but I still miss those days,
I can’t imagine a time when I will not.”

You shake your head, you walk away

Leaving him nothing left to say

In gardens of the orient

You leave him feeling despondently

He prays for you, but holds little hope

He finds a chair, he finds a rope…