I told Billy Mumy to Get Out of My House

Bey [Gets in car] “Hi, dad.”
Me: “Hey! How’d school go?”
Bey: “Good, it went really well.”
Me: “Cool! Tell me about it.”
Bey: [Tells me about his day]
Me: “That sounds pretty good.”
Bey: “Yeah, it was. How was your day?”
Me: “I had the sudden urge to write Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea fanfic.”
Bey: “You don’t do fanfic. That’s like one of your solid rules.”
Me: “No, I don’t. So I would have changed the names, and ignored the continuity, and gone my own way with it, but still, basically…”
Bey: “Did you do it?”
Me: “Of course not. But I really *wanted* to for an hour or two there.”
Bey: “I see. So did you call a priest?”
Me: “No.”
Bey: “Because it seems like an exorcism might really do wonders for you right now.”
Me [laughing]: “Actually, I did exactly the opposite: I made a pentagram out of goat’s blood. Well, I *say* it was a pentagram. Actually, it was the UN Spacey logo from Macross.”
Bey: “Where did you get the goat blood?”
Me: “Walmart.”
Bey: “Housewares?”
Me: “Yeah! How’d you know?”
Bey: “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to.”
Me: “Right. So anyway, I sat in the pentagram…”
Bey: “Robotech logo.”
Me: “…I sat in the Robotech logo, and chanted ‘Irwin Allen, Irwin Allen, Irwin Allen,’ the the doorbell rang and it was Billy Mumy, from Lost in Space and Babylon 5.”
Bey: [Laughing]
Me: “So I said, ‘Shame about Lanier,’ and he said, ‘Damn straight.’ Then he said that the ghost of Irwin Allen had told him to warn me not to write Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea fanfic. Then he asked if I wanted to listen to some of his Barnes and Barnes songs, and I said ‘no.’ Then he asked me if I wanted to listen to some of his stuff from his days with The Generators, and I told him to get out of our house.'”
Bey: “Is that it? This is where your weird rambles usually peter out.”
Me: “And this one is no exception.”

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